This issue includes a repeat of the origins of VNS as told by Richard De Morgan in issue 500. This also shows the Computer News and Technology News sections which, along with the Main News, were the most regular sections on VNS.
<><><><><><><><> T h e V O G O N N e w s S e r v i c e <><><><><><><><>
Edition : 1000 Thursday 6-Feb-1986 Circulation : 2348
VNS Announcement .................................. 11 Lines
VNS MAIN NEWS ..................................... 79 "
VNS COMPUTER NEWS ................................. 13 "
VNS ORIGINS ....................................... 95 "
VNS CODING HINTS .................................. 32 "
VNS INDUSTRY REVIEW ............................... 154 "
VNS TECHNOLOGY PAST ............................... 70 "
VNS Letters to the Editor
Jeff Goodenough ............................... 48 "
John Creighton ................................ 20 "
Clive Scott ................................... 108 "
Send subscription requests, backissue requests and letters to LEROUF::VNS
VNS Announcement: [Marios Cleovoulou, VNS Publications]
================= [Valbonne, France ]
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VNS MAIN NEWS: [Richard De Morgan, Chief Editor, VNS]
============== [Reading, England ]
Here is the News at 08.00 GMT on 6-feb-1986
___________________________________________
International News
------------------
Russia has reciprocted the French exppulsion of 4 diplomats. Italy
reported to have expelled two for spying.
A 3rd bomb has exploded in Paris - this time in a shopping arcade. A
number of people were seriously injured.
World Council of Churches allege torture under Marcos regime.
W Germany holds talks with Czechoslovakia over pollution control.
US News
-------
Federal judge orders 5 remaining condors in wild must be left free.
Charles Manson refused release for 5th time.
UK News
-------
An internal leak caused Sellafield nuclear waste processing plant to
be evacuated by all but essential staff.
Two helicopters collided in mid-air over Kent - passengers and crew only
suffered shock.
Britain has been heavily hit by snow.
Parliament, European Parliament/EEC, Law and Politics
-----------------------------------------------------
Water authorities to be privatized. It is expected that they will raise
#7bn.
EETPU leader Hammond blames print unions for loss of 5000 News International
jobs. He is defending his union, whose members are manning NI's print
operation at Wapping which has so far produced a cleaner, more accurate
Times than the NGA and SOGAT printers who have become hidebound with
antiquated technology. SOGAT have to appear in thye High Court on monday
on a charge of contempt of court for failing to obey an order to
withdraw instructions to its members emplyed by newspaper wholesalers
to black NI publications.
Education, Employment, Industrial and Commercial News
-----------------------------------------------------
Some clarification of "GM may take over British Leyland." They plan to take
over some of it (Landrover-Leyland - i.e. vehicles for rough terrain and
trucks) and there are negotiations with Ford about buying another part.
The government has supported BL by about #2.6bn over the years.
Vauxhall workers go on strike over dispute about an open window.
Science, Technology, Medicine, and Nature
-----------------------------------------
A man has been fined #500 for killing a colony of bats in a house by
using a powerful timber treatment agent.
The number of reported cases of food poisoning has risen by 45% since
1982.
Two policemen have been ordered off duty after they were bitten by a man
who claims to have Aids.
Local News and Weather
----------------------
2" snow started falling at 18:00 yesterday. It is now -1C and very
slippery. I'm told it's 18" deep the other side of Reading.
Miscellany
----------
VNS COMPUTER NEWS: [Tracy Talcott, VNS Computer Desk]
================== [Nashua, NH, USA ]
Wednesday's Market
Dec Change Dow Jones Change 85% of FMV 29-Nov-85
154 3/8 +1 3/8 1593.12 - 0.11 $103.50 (85% of $121.75)
Note: I've heard that there was a "Dec starts going against IBM" type
article in the Boston Globe on Tuesday. Unfortunately, a 12 foot
tail hairy blue monster that's been roaming our neighborhood lately
swiped my paper (Although there's always that off chance that it never
got delivered.) - TT
Commodore - Serious financial worries
Finance troubles hit the comapny stock on Wednesday as it closed down 1 1/2
at 5 1/8.
VNS ORIGINS: [Marios Cleovoulou, VNS Publication]
============ [Valbonne, France ]
One thousand issues! I've watched it approaching, slowly, for a
long time now, yet it only seems like yesterday when....
The history of the VNS hasn't been published for just over two
years now, when Richard told the story for the 500th issue. I
think this is a good time to tell it again, and I hope that the
257 readers who read Richard's rendition back then won't mind the
repetition!
The VOGON News Service started after a number of software
engineers from Reading, England relocated to the Spit Brook Road
facility in Nashua, NH, USA. Amongst them were Alan Blannin and
myself. Alan asked Richard De Morgan, still in Reading, to send
him the test match scores so that Alan could keep up to date on
events in his favourite sport -- cricket. Richard sent not only
the requested results, but also included some small snippets of
news.
Alan forwarded this information on to other "ex-pat Brits" in
the U.S. and the VNS (although it wasn't known as such then) was
born! Issue number one was "published" on the 3rd of August,
1981. Soon after, Richard, being at the time on node VOGON::,
jokingly titled his MAIL to Alan "The VOGON News Service" and
the name stuck.
(A Vogon is an ugly extraterrestrial which enjoys torturing it's
victims by reading to them his exceptionally bad poetry. For
further references on Vogons readers should consult "The
Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams).
It soon became evident that the "ex-pats" missed both home news
and the British media's view of international events, for in VNS
#44, less than three months later, Alan announced "Our current
circulation is 16 (including staff)".
That issue was also significant in that it featured the first
"Letter to the Editor", penned by Steve Coughlan. Steve had
recently joined the staff, creating the "VNS Money Desk" and
submitting the VNS FINANCIAL SUPPLEMENT which reported the
all-important Pound Sterling to U.S. Dollar exchange rates as well
as DIGITAL stock and Dow Jones information. (Steve recently
retired his post due to the joys of an expanding family).
The VNS carried on, with it's three-man staff, providing daily
news to ex-pats, friends and interested parties in the days when
the network was small. For issue #265 (5-Jan-1983) Alan added
(with the help of some DCL from me) a header which included the
edition number and the circulation count -- at that time, 50.
So we started counting....
Alan was still "hand-crafting" the VNS when, at the end of July
1983, he left DIGITAL. Having been a colleague of Alan's for years
and an "active observer" of the VNS since it's conception, I
"volunteered" for the job of publishing the VNS. Our circulation
was then just over the 100 mark, Richard and Steve's fingers
showed no signs of wearing down, we had just taken on a new staff
member -- Tracy Talcott [VNS COMPUTER NEWS] providing news on the
business we are all in, and more letters were coming in more
and more regularly.
It didn't take more than a few minutes for me to realise that Alan
was putting sweat into the VNS, and that it would continue to be
an expanding job. So, I decided to automate the publication and
distribution of VNS as much as possible. A move that Alan viewed
"in much the same way as the monks of old must have viewed
Gutenberg - a good idea but it will never catch on", and Richard
referred to as making "Fleet Street look like a Dickensian
Counting House". Some readers even threatened to join their local
Luddite society! (But I know they are still on the distribution
list....)
So, we went on in an automated fashion. The VNS procedures are
now written in DCL and TPU and run in the early hours of the
morning while I'm still snoozing. Mike Taylor [VNS TECHNOLOGY
WATCH] joined us at the end of 1983 and Rick Haggard [VNS NEWS
SHORTS (recently retired)] came on board in March 1985.
And the circulation grew and grew....
At the end of last year, the whole shooting match moved, along
with me, to the DIGITAL facility in Valbonne on the Cote D'Azur
on the south coast of France.
Our now 2300 plus readers are on some 580 nodes in 130 separate
facilities spread across 18 different countries!!! The VNS
also offers a VideoTeX service (LEROUF::"43=" if it isn't on
your local server's menu) which keeps the last five issues
online.
Sometimes, it just amazes me. I'm not sure any of us know quite
what we are a part of. My resume now (proudly) refers to the VNS
as "an automated network-based daily newspaper focusing on British
and international news, US and world financial information, and
computer industry and high technology reporting.", however, I will
leave you to come to your own conclusions....
VNS CODING HINTS: [Richard De Morgan, Chief Editor, VNS]
================= [Reading, England ]
Handy Hints for VAX Programmers
-------------------------------
1. Alignment is very important: all bits should be bit-aligned.
2. Circular lists should be round; oval ones tend to get squashed
or turn into figure-of-eights.
3. Variable names should not be anthropomorphic, e.g. dog : BYTE.
4. Labels, if used, should be in alphabetical order.
5. If you are writing in MACRO-32, do not always use the lower-
numbered registers as may wear out faster.
6. Please keep the stack tidy.
7. Unless you have 32 fingers and toes, use the following method
to identify bit positions (it requires one hand and two feet
leaving the other hand free to hold the pencil):
(a) if the required bit is exposed, go to step (c)
(b) cross of a bit at each end, raise a finger or toe and
go back to step (a)
(c) if the required bit is exposed on the right, it's number
is that of the sum of fingers and toes raised; if it is on
the left, subtract from 31.
(C) 1986 Richard De Morgan.
VNS INDUSTRY REVIEW: [Tracy Talcott, VNS Computer Desk]
==================== [Nashua, NH, USA ]
Here we are, another 500 editions of VNS have gone by and it's time again
for something out of the ordinary. What follows is my personal opinion,
flavored to some extent by the articles I've read while writing for VNS these
last three years.
In VNS #500 (if I remember correctly), I wrote about the tough times that
people felt were in the offing for the computer industry. Many people were
projecting consolidation of smaller, perhaps weaker high tech companies as
the industry slowed from its blistering pace. The general feeling was correct;
papers often talked about the "high tech slowdown" or "semiconductor slump".
I've found it interesting that no article I've read has talked about an
industry recession or depression. Those adjectives have been use frequently
when talking about, for instance, the shoe industry in Maine or the U.S.
lumber industry. Yet over the past months many computer-related companies
have seen their quarterly revenues plummet by up to 95%, over 7,000 high tech
employees in Massachusetts were laid off last year, companies had furloughs
and pay cuts, and interviews with Silicon Valley assembly line workers
indicated that many felt that the good times were coming to an end and they
doubted they'd be employed in a year's time. Some companies are currently
operating in technical default of their loan provisions and others are
finding it increasingly difficult to secure private and public financing.
Fewer college freshmen are planning careers in engineering. Times have
certainly changed from just two or three years ago.
What does the future hold? Companies will continue to merge and go out of
business, others will move away from computer production, and I'd imagine new
companies will be born. It's all part of business. Things do seem to be
looking up somewhat for high tech in general. Semiconductor orders have
increased the last couple of months. A spate of new products is hitting the
market as Digital, IBM, and Data General, among others, have all come out with
newer, faster, and less expensive machines.
Where a year or two ago the buzzword was robotics, now everybody is talking
about office automation, networking, and computer integrated manufacturing
(CIM). The sentiment seems to be that this is just the next step in a fast
moving field, rather than the feeling that these new avenues will "save the
computer industry," or "pull us out of our slump." People aren't looking for
high tech saviors because they don't feel the need for them.
While the road to office automation (OA) may be paved with golden revenues
it may not be a smooth ride. Digital and Apollo have been doing networking for
years, and now IBM is (belatedly) getting in on the action. The IBM PC clone
makers will be joining in, as will other networking companies. But customers
are not sure how much OA they really want or need: Wiring a building for
networking and enough power for a machine or terminal in almost every office
isn't cheap, and some businesses will hesitate to buy one, five, or ten
thousand terminals that may be out of date and unsupported five years down the
line, or to put them in offices of people who may not realize a big gain from
their new boxes.
Developing the hardware, software, and support that people want is a
challenge as well. The hardware needs to be simple to use and reliable: if the
corner pharmacist has a PC that it takes a field specialist to set up, turn
on, and continually fix he probably won't buy the machine regardless of what
it could do for him or his business. The software must be affordable and
general enough to work in many individual settings, but not so general as to
be a burden to learn, set up, customize, and use. If at the flick of the power
switch the machine boots itself, runs diagnostics, and says "Good morning Mr.
Pharmacist! Today is Thursday, February 6, 1986," and then asks him to "Please
enter your bipedal monotone initialization code in hexadecimal," the hardware
could be as fast as a Cray and as inexpensive as a Macintosh but be of little
use. Support is also critical. Consider the mythical machine that has a mean
time between failure of months and months, and equally mythical software with
nary a bug. When something somewhere finally breaks, the response has to be
top notch. The workstation may have been perfect for two years; but if it
fails, all the customer is going to care about is fast service. An analogy is
your car. Your water pump may last for 100,000 miles but you never give it a
thought until it quits. And when you find out it'll take four or five weeks to
get it repaired you'll probably think twice about buying another car from that
auto maker the next time around.
Imagine buying a car in the middle of August. You drive it out of the lot
and turn on the air conditioner only to have it happily blow warm air in your
face. All you need do is make an appointment at the dealership and in a week's
time the car is fixed. If it's a new car, you can get anything fixed free of
charge for a period of anywhere from one to five years depending on the brand
you buy. Now consider yourself a consumer of a different kind - you've just
bought your first computer. It could well have cost you a bunch more than a
car. You open the box, pull out the machine, plug it in and turn it on and...
nothing. It's what people in the industry refer to as D.O.A. - dead on
arrival. Can you imagine getting a car in that condition? But let's assume
you're one of the majority of customers who get a working machine. After
anywhere from 30 days to a year you pay for the privilege of filing complaints
about your equipment. You fill out a piece of paper and send it off to the
manufacturer and patiently (or maybe not so patiently) wait for a response.
It could be a week, a month, several months, or.... before you hear from the
company. And then you often get "Sorry, that's a restriction" or "Fixed in
next the (or "a future") release." Can you imagine complaining in August about
the air conditioning in the 1986 Edsel you drove off the lot the day before,
and waiting until October or November to get a response that says "Sorry, this
is a problem that will be fixed in the 1987 Edsel and we'll fix yours at that
time." Not too great, right? But that's often what happens when you purchase a
computer. When you tell your neighbor about your Edsel, you probably don't say
"Yeah, my Edsel has a bug in the air conditioning." It might be closer to "The
stupid air conditioning is broken - what a lousy design." It's interesting
that computers don't break - they just get bugs.
Regardless of whether you work on hardware, software, firmware, marketing,
support, finance, ..., think of the number of bugs fixed in your work since
its first issue. Every problem might be the equivalent of that Edsel's air
conditioning for any one of your customers. And how much time do we spend
finding, fixing, and explaining mistakes to customers. All that time spent by
all of us, fixing what are often preventable errors.
People talk quality a lot these days - "We're gonna ship one of them there
high quality products!" But how do you get quality? Do you go to early
evaluation field test, or have field tests that last for months and months,
or run simulators for skillions of cycles? Is that quality? Well, sort of. It
ends up looking like a quality product, but what you've really done is take
more time and effort to hunt for errors. Testing is important, but wouldn't it
be nice to need to have just a regular field test, or one that last for five
weeks instead of twenty five, or run only a half skillion cycles? And then at
the end of testing being able to predict with some level of confidence how
many bugs remain to be found?
We need to design the quality in from the start. You can only sell so many
Edsels before a competitor comes along with a Rolls Royce and your customers
become ex-customers in droves. There are many ways to design quality in. My
feeling is that Japanese manufacturers are doing a pretty good job. After
driving home in my Honda I sit back and watch the Nightly Business Report on
my Sony. Is a Honda or Sony really better than a Ford or Curtis Mathis? I
don't know for sure, but it's the perception that counts. Mr. Iacocca can tell
me how much better his cars are but personally, it doesn't really do much to
change my opinion - "Better? Eh, probably. But as good as a Toyota? Prove it."
The perception of quality is hard to win, but easy to lose.
Japan listened to W. Edwards Deming, often referred to as one of the
Fathers of Quality. Every year, Japanese companies compete for the Deming
Award. Winning it is considered to be a great honor. When was the last time
you submitted your product or design for a quality award? If you're like me,
"never" would be a pretty close approximation. I'm not bringing up the
Japanese as a threat - we're all designers and manufacturers and developers
regardless of the country in which we live, and we should all be working on
designing quality in. Many people are pointing at Japan, claiming it has set
up unfair trade barriers. There are barriers, sure, but we must also look at
the overall market. People buy the best products they can find. If consumers
(including the Japanese) feel that goods made in Japan are of better quality,
we could flood the island with our example Edsels and they still wouldn't
sell. One of the reasons Japan can build better products quicker and cheaper
than most of the rest of us is the quality - building 100 somethings and
having to redesign them all and fix 10 that don't work is a heck of a lot more
expensive than building 90 good ones the first time through. We may not enter
official quality competitions, but we're competing with all high tech
companies for buyers and quality always counts.
More testing to find more bugs is the wrong approach to achieve the right
goal. We need to work from the first stages of a project to engineer quality
in. I'm no expert in quality. Should I be? You bet. Are you? If not, you might
try looking at some of Demings' work. Japan listened to him and look where
they are now (My next car will be a Honda, too.). Demings has a book, Quality,
Productivity, and Competitive Position that's pretty easy reading and has lots
of interesting real world examples. It's published by the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology, Center for Advanced Engineering Study, Cambridge,
Mass., USA, 02139. The Library of Congress card number is 82-61320. The
International Standard Book Number is 0-911379-00-2. My personal opinion -
read the book; it's a darn good investment in yourself for the few dollars it
costs. More and more companies outside of Japan are conducting classes based
on the work of Deming and others - that's a good investment too (and they
might even throw in the book!).
What I'm trying to get at, I think, is that in addition to our desire in all
of us to do a better job, our customers will demand even greater quality from
us as we ask them to continue buying from us and to put a computer or terminal
on every desk and perhaps in the not too distant future, in every home.
A top notch hardware/software/support system for everyone, or an Edsel in
every garage. The option is ours.
VNS TECHNOLOGY PAST: [Mike Taylor, VNS Correspondent]
==================== [Nashua, NH, USA ]
You'll never have to look at your automobile's idiot lights
again with Copilot. Instead, Copilot uses a soft, female
voice to tell you over the radio when any of your car's
systems are malfunctioning. A microcomputer monitors the car's
systems by tapping into the wires that run to the various
lights and buzzers in the dash. Copilot sells for $199.95.
{Microcomputing August 1981}
With electronic wristwatches adding more and more functions,
why not a talking watch? One that speaks the time and also
has a musical alarm is scheduled for introduction this
summer. The timepiece, to sell for less than $100, is based
on three CMOS chips.
{IEEE Spectrum July 1981}
Compatible with any 6800/6809 DMA technique, the Gimix 64K
CMOS static RAM board is designed for use with the SS50/C
bus. The company guarantees the board for 2-MHz operation
with no wait states or clock stretching. The Gimix 64K
static memory is $1088.64; a 56K version, socketed for 64K
is $994.56.
{IEEE Micro August 1981}
British Telecom has launched the Prestel as a world Videotex
service in The Netherlands, Sweden, West Germany, Switzerland,
Australia, and Hong Kong, marking the end of the market
trial. Prestel will be launched in the US later this year.
{Computer August 1981}
AT&T announced in May proposed standards for Videotex
systems in the US. Home terminals, to be produced by AT&T,
would be tied into the Bell Telephone network, if the
firm's plans come to fruition. The new technology would
enable families to receive news reports directly on their
home terminals, as well as making feasible the push-button
purchase of consumer goods. The proposed AT&T standards
are not compatible with the British Prestel system and rely
largely on the Canadian system known as Telidon.
{Educational Technology August 1981}
Texas Instruments has announced a LOGO package. TI, a leader
in semiconductor technology for many years, has not fared as
well in the competition for microcomputer market leadership.
Its TI-99/4 personal computer has not captured the
imagination of either the home or school market. The TI LOGO
software is priced at $299.95.
{Educational Technology August 1981}
NASA has issued monthly SST-1 Orbiter Interim Mission Reports
that track the analysis and evaluation of the first space
shuttle flight, Columbia's two-and-half day flight from
Cape Canaveral last April 12 through 14. The final report is
to be published this month.
{IEEE Spectrum July 1981}
The vision of direct broadcast satellite television is
close to reality today, so close that the main question no
longer is whether a satellite can be put into orbit, one
or more will be out there by 1985. The critical question
today is which technical characteristics will give the best
television reception.
{IEEE Spectrum July 1981}
That was the technology when VNS #1 hit the net.
Don't forget to send your entry in the 'computers
in the issue 2000' contest. Let your imagine run
wild on the future of computers when VNS publishes
issue #2000. Send your machine-readable entry, with
your name and address, to SIVA::VNS_CONTEST. --mjt
VNS Letters to the Editor:
==========================
From: Jeff Goodenough ......................................... Reading, England
[Ed: Jeff Goodenough is one of the very few (surviving!) original readers
of the VNS. (Not to mention an ex-landlord of Alan Blannin and I,
although there weren't any cruise missiles next to the house then!)
As such, and as a reader who's letters have coloured the pages of
the VNS often during it's four and a half years, I asked Jeff to
write a "little something" for this issue. I did NOT ask him to
sing our praises, although I'm glad he's saved us he embarrassment
of having to do it ourselves! MC]
I'm honoured to have been asked to provide a small contribution for this
historic 1000th issue of VNS.
First of all, a huge vote of thanks must go to Richard de Morgan for his
dedication in producing the news section in a such a succinct and readable
manner, and indeed for starting the whole concept of VNS. In the early days,
VNS would arrive during the afternoon - Richard listened to the midday news
in his car - and his news section was often the first I knew of some important
story. Now, Richard is paid a lot more and can afford to buy The Times every
day. This means we get the news much earlier, but I still vaguely hanker
after those up-to-the-minute radio transcripts.
Big thanks are also due to the other major contributors, past and present.
Steve Coughlan, Tracy Talcott, Mike Taylor, Rick Haggard et al. put in many
hours of unpaid work bringing us technical, financial and other news. The
quality of the reporting leaves many professional organisations standing.
Thanks too, to Marios Cleovoulou, the largely unsung hero who developed the
complex automatic distribution process, and who stitches VNS together into
a product. Valbonne's answer to Rupert Murdoch, one might say.
Last but not least, the Letters Section. Some of you may have noticed that
from time to time I have written the odd letter, either on a new topic or in
response to an existing debate. The letters section remains for me one of
the highlights of VNS, though I know many disagree. Still, as has been said
before, it's right at the end, and easy to skip. Topics have been many and
varied, some trivial (remember the great slugs debate?), and some serious.
VNS has come a long way from its humble beginnings as a few lines of UK news
for ex-patriates, until now it has probably the widest, most international,
readership of any daily publication in the world. Long may it flourish!
Jeff.
[Ed: Also, a BIG thanks to all the VNS ancillary staff, the local
distribution caretakers and "paperboys" who assist in getting
VNS to the readership. MC]
================================================================================
From: John Creighton .......................................... Clonmel, Ireland
I just wondered what Pat meant when he/she referred to the tactics used
by the Mau-Mau "in the subjugation of one race by another", since I was
always under the impression that the Mau-Mau was a "terrorist" feature
of Jomo Kenyatta's struggle for liberation/independence from the tyranny
(as perceived by J.K.) of the British yoke. I find it interesting that
the said Kenyatta carried on to become an apparently respected figure in
the political life of the African continent, as indeed did other men
who in their time were similarly branded - Begin in Israel springs to my
mind. Strange indeed that these people can become respectable, after
the invective poured on them by presumably respectable "Establishment".
I feel that perhaps the motives of "Respectable Establishment" would not
bear too close scrutiny, either back in those bad old days, nor indeed
even in these good new times. I am not advocating terrorism, but there
are a lot of people around whose opinions are not necessarily neatly
aligned with those who claim "democracy" as the basis for their self-
righteousness.
Regards,
John Creighton.
================================================================================
From: Clive Scott .................................... Colorado Springs, CO, USA
From: Clive Scott, CXTOOL::SCOTT
Subject; David Coleman, a legend in his own shower.
I must say I love to read the Colemanballs, the originator of this section
is a genius. It is seven years since I joined the pilgrims and went to the
colonies but I still wake at night and shiver at the thought of David Coleman.
To our American friends I should explain that Coleman was the thinking man's
Howard Cosell who dominated the sports scene when I lived in England during
the dark years before American Football.
Howard is an institution here in the States, and is a very learned man,
David Coleman is not but his contribution to the certain demise of T.V.
sports cannot be underestimated.
While Cosell was a master at annoying the viewer with trite remarks, eulogies
every week for dead unknowns, and general statistical verbiage, Coleman
single handedly invented the phrases that are so aptly named after him.
I have an idea to write a book featuring these priceless remarks, maybe
we could all put one together and donate the profits some worthy cause.
Perhaps Rene Aungier could write a section for us on Political Colemanballs,
she seems to know them all! (Sorry couldn't resist it!).
The Colemanballs below are some that have been stuck in my mind for over
a decade;
Of Albert Juntarina running for Cuba in the 400 meter hurdles;
"Juntarina, opens his legs, and shows us his class!"
Of an Italian soccer player in a game against England;
"Bonensenia, he can't fire the gun if you don't give him the bullets!"
Of Geoff Hurst in the same game;
"Hurst, he's lost the geography of the shot".
On Bobby Charlton, then England soccer captain.
"Charlton, his mind ticks over like a computer"
(He then fell over the ball while standing still).
On a cross country car race held in driving rain;
"There's John Webb driving his mini. He has the windshield ingeniously modified
with holes drilled in it for better visibility..."
(PAUSE...Car hits a mud back, rolls over and completely disintergrates)
"...what am I saying!".
During a Spurs vs Stoke soccer Cup tie;
"Greaves, he came up through a trap door in the ground!"
"Ritche, he's got a boot between those ears!"
"It's a corner, and Stoke are bringing up the timber."
On a player for the Zaire world cup squad,
"Mowambi Kadumuo, a household name in Kinchassa!".
On a Brian London (famous glass jawed English boxer), fighting
the blackest African I've ever seen;
"If your watching in color the Nigerian fighter is wearing the
white trunks"
Finally my two favorites of all time, some background is necessary,
On David Hemery running in the 400 meter hurdles in the Olympics.
(Britain had won only one bronze medal in the two previous weeks
and was desperate for anything).
HEMERY'S IN THE LEAD, IT'S HEMERY...HEMERY...HEMERY.....HEMERY...
HEMERY WINS, BORGACHOH IS SECOND, AND WHO CARES WHO COMES THIRD!!!!!!!!!!!
Third place went to David Sherwood, Britain's only other medal winner.
Dan Maskell, substituting for Coleman at Wimbledon, commenting on Chris Lloyd
falling over the umpire while Hanna Manlikova attacks a section of the crowd
and PLO terrorists murder the Duke of Kent in the Royal Box;
"....................................................................."
(I hope somebody gets this one).
Keep the Colemanballs coming,
Regards,
Clive Scott.
<><><><><><><><> VNS Edition : 1000 Thursday 6-Feb-1986 <><><><><><><><>
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